A new normal that isn’t normal yet.

This has made me incredibly grateful for the relatively good health I have. Bless ❤ xxx

“What the f*ck is wrong with me?” I cried as I laid in bed in excruciating pain at 4 in the morning. I wanted to call someone, anyone. The tears rolled down my face as my legs stiffened.

This was night number five.

I attempted to stand up to make the leg cramps subside, stumbling to the ground as soon as I tried.

I laid on the ground for a few minutes, feeling defeated and helpless just like the night before. I reached for my water beside me, chugging it in hopes of ameliorating the problem. Maybe dehydration was the problem. I just needed to drink more water and the leg cramps would go away. Yeah, sure.

“You need to stretch more and maybe take it easy on your legs, you’re always on them.”

“Eat more protein.”

“Drink more electrolytes.”

“Get more sleep.”

I became thirsty. Always thirsty. I assumed…

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Excessive Sexuality Syndrome (ESS)

Now, while ESS (Excessive Sexuality Syndrome) may not be a medically recognised condition as of yet, I still feel as though it deserves addressing, because it is a real issue that many suffer with – including myself.

If you happen to be of the select few blessed with an attractive body effortlessly, then you probably won’t understand. However, if you ever have been overweight – or, indeed, underweight – and had to work for a body you considered sexy, then you will be all too familiar with this condition.

ESS occurs when someone puts a lot of effort into having an attractive body, and goes somewhat mad with the power when they succeed. Primary victims are females, though males (or any gender inbetween) are not necessarily immune. Most victims contract the condition through losing excess weight, although it is not unusual for naturally skinny people to suffer when they have gained weight to fill out. Symptoms may include: inappropriately revealing clothes; sudden bursts of arrogance; increased flirtation; and in extreme/older cases, promiscuity. Thankfully, I have thus far avoided the latter (which is good, considering I’m actually underage for that).

I am, though, a sufferer of ESS – only, the PG version. It pains me to admit it, but over the last year and a half of actually exercising, my skirts have got shorter and my shirts have got lower. I know own two high-cut tops from New Look; things I once vowed never to buy due to how impractical they are. I still agree that it’s ridiculous to pay £10 for half a shirt, but I still wear them, sherry because I can now.

I’ve also noticed that I’ve become a lot more flirtatious. Some of this can be attritubuted to increased confidence – which allows comes with improving your body image – but some of it I just can’t explain. Quite frequently I catch myself giggling at a joke that wasn’t funny, or twirling a strand of my hair. My bisexuality doesn’t help this, as I find myself doing this to everyone. All the time. And let me tell you, it makes for some awkward moments. Although perhaps there’s some science in the increase of flirtation, because I was recently invited out for my first ‘coffee date’. Never has ‘Coffee Shop Soundtrack’ felt so relatable.

Now, I will clarify: there is nothing inherently wrong with ESS. As long as you aren’t making yourself or anyone else uncomfortable, it’s perfectly fine. Problems only arise when ESS begins to interfere with aspects of your life, particularly professional ones.

For instance, I had to buy a new school skirt today. I was very enthusiastic, seeing as next to none of my clothes actually fit me. Since I’m short with a slim waist, I was forced to venture into the children’s section. Which brings us to the awful bit: I thought the skirts were too short. In the children’s section. For school. You know, an official learning environment. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

However, if you too are a sufferer of ESS, don’t worry; the first step to overcoming a problem is acknowledging its existence. Despite the fact that ESS has no known cure, all is not lost, because there is a large population keeping ESS hidden amidst the skeletons in their closet. I think our first step should be to raise awareness of this ailment, hence why I am posting this.

Finally, you must not let a fear of ESS impair your transition to a better body that you can feel happy in. Remember, ESS is not physically dangerous, as long as you can keep some self-control and common sense.

~ Musicrocks807 xxx

A Youtuber That Can’t Afford a Camera

Before I immediately make an enemy of every hardcore blogger, I’d like to clarify: I do not think Youtube is better. Sorry, I can just see that title hugely backfiring on me already. I can’t come up with a wittier one though, so I guess we’re riding this one out.

So in essence, yes, I am a Youtuber without a camera. My hobbies include having strong opinions and talking to myself (sometimes it’s even comedic, I think). However, I am also a writer with writer’s block. Writing is my passion, but I’m having trouble settling down with an idea and actually finishing it, you know? Maybe you don’t. Whatever. Point being, I like something that combines these two pastimes; aimlessly writing and expressing my needless opinions. Hence, blogging.

On an unrelated note, I’m also way too bad at having consistent make-up quality to vlog. It’s a hard life.

*someone yells for me to “get to the goddamn point”* *ducks vase* Sorry, sorry! That’s another thing; I tend to go off on rambling tangents. ‘Fraid you’ll have to get used to that.

If you’re presently unsure how much I annoy you, let me give you just a basic idea of what things I will be doing here: discussing my various opinions; sharing various tips (primarily for weight loss and anxiety); recommending shows/films/books/etc and explaining why; and plugging my own writings (once I finish some, shush). If that sounds good to you, then awesome, and if not, thanks for giving me however long it took you to read this.

I’ll admit: I know this was kind of pointless. I feel like even the best things in life start out with something awkward and rambled. Then again, so do the worst. We’ll see.

~ MusicRocks807 xxx