As a man…

TheGhostWriter

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As a man of old school culture, you spend your entire life learning what it means to be strong. We grow up learning principles from our fathers that make us who we are as men. We learn to love, serve, help, and protect those we care about. I for one was brought up by a man of principles, my father was very hard on me and my brothers because he knew what it meant to be strong in this world. We were shaped into men of integrity, taught never to back down from evil, never to turn away from someone in need, never to let our emotions get the better of us, and most importantly, to never compromise… Even in the face of armaggadon. We were also taught to respect women, honor our elders, and to always put ourselves second. As a man, I acknowledge what I was taught, and…

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Nothing to Lose

Fellow non-conforming, fandom-driven, nearly-socially-inept general mavericks should relate to this, I think.

So this month, I started Sixth Form to do my A-Levels (whole other post coming about that, watch this space). My four relatively local (i.e on this island) friends, however, did not; they literally all ditched me to go up to the college on the other end of the island. Which was okay, because they’re doing their own thing and carving their own paths and yadda yadda yadda, yay for them. But see, they’re all on the same campus; I am alone on mine.

Bar one new ish-friend and a few acquaintances-I’m-too-shy-to-trouble-with-my-company, I’m basically left to my own devices. Leaving me with tons of time to study, which is awesome and really useful, actually. So why am I complaining?

Because I’m still worried about seeming “weird” for my personality.

Which is completely ridiculous. I sit by myself at lunch, I sit alone in the library and I basically refuse to speak in class to anyone who’s not a teacher, but woe betide that someone should think my Fluttershy badge is stupid. Reading fanfiction is perfectly fine and entertaining, but if anyone even glances over my shoulder, I’m locking my phone down ASAP and throwing it into my bag as if it has burned me with the shame.

Only, I’m not ashamed. My only regret in terms of fanfiction is how freaking weird some of my darker experimental pieces (A Second Chance, Things You Can’t Be Taught, etc) ended up, but even then I wouldn’t want to delete them. Just, y’know, put some cautionary notes before them. At the end of the day, they’re part of me, and now I can tackle darker and more mature themes with less weirdness 🙂

So my basic point? There’s no reason at all for me to feel bad about my interests or my traits. I’m completely okay with them and they’re not harming anyone. Which is why my crippling fear of people finding out about them and thinking I’m weird entirely stupid.

But I didn’t write this post to just leave it unresolved. No, I wrote this because I have had a fraction of an epiphany.

Here are the facts:

• I am okay with myself and my interests

• My close friends and boyfriend are okay with me and my interests

• There’s nobody else I’m close enough to be deeply affected by the opinion of if they aren’t okay with me and my interests

In short: I have nothing to lose.

I might as well just sew all my cool fandom patches onto my new leather jacket (it’s fake, don’t worry) and parade them, because why the eff not. I might as well read my fanfiction and fangirl over new episodes, because why the eff not. I might as well write my coursework from a pansexual POV like my own, because why. The eff. Not.

What’s the worst that could happen? My acquaintances don’t awkwardly sit on the other side of the lunch table and ignore me? Nothing to lose.

Now, I do appreciate that other people with this issue may be of a better social standing than I am, so maybe you have a little more to lose than I do. But honestly, if those people are going to reject who you really are and what you really like, then they probably weren’t worth keeping in the first place. Trust me, I learned that the hard way; remember Carly because we’ll be coming back to her in the future.

At the end of the day, you’re you. You can’t change who you are or what you like; those kind of things change and develop on their own, but you can’t force them. As long as nobody’s getting hurt (and you’re not breaking the law or anything), then there’s nothing wrong with you and you shouldn’t feel the need to hide yourself.

A new normal that isn’t normal yet.

This has made me incredibly grateful for the relatively good health I have. Bless ❤ xxx

“What the f*ck is wrong with me?” I cried as I laid in bed in excruciating pain at 4 in the morning. I wanted to call someone, anyone. The tears rolled down my face as my legs stiffened.

This was night number five.

I attempted to stand up to make the leg cramps subside, stumbling to the ground as soon as I tried.

I laid on the ground for a few minutes, feeling defeated and helpless just like the night before. I reached for my water beside me, chugging it in hopes of ameliorating the problem. Maybe dehydration was the problem. I just needed to drink more water and the leg cramps would go away. Yeah, sure.

“You need to stretch more and maybe take it easy on your legs, you’re always on them.”

“Eat more protein.”

“Drink more electrolytes.”

“Get more sleep.”

I became thirsty. Always thirsty. I assumed…

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A Youtuber That Can’t Afford a Camera

Before I immediately make an enemy of every hardcore blogger, I’d like to clarify: I do not think Youtube is better. Sorry, I can just see that title hugely backfiring on me already. I can’t come up with a wittier one though, so I guess we’re riding this one out.

So in essence, yes, I am a Youtuber without a camera. My hobbies include having strong opinions and talking to myself (sometimes it’s even comedic, I think). However, I am also a writer with writer’s block. Writing is my passion, but I’m having trouble settling down with an idea and actually finishing it, you know? Maybe you don’t. Whatever. Point being, I like something that combines these two pastimes; aimlessly writing and expressing my needless opinions. Hence, blogging.

On an unrelated note, I’m also way too bad at having consistent make-up quality to vlog. It’s a hard life.

*someone yells for me to “get to the goddamn point”* *ducks vase* Sorry, sorry! That’s another thing; I tend to go off on rambling tangents. ‘Fraid you’ll have to get used to that.

If you’re presently unsure how much I annoy you, let me give you just a basic idea of what things I will be doing here: discussing my various opinions; sharing various tips (primarily for weight loss and anxiety); recommending shows/films/books/etc and explaining why; and plugging my own writings (once I finish some, shush). If that sounds good to you, then awesome, and if not, thanks for giving me however long it took you to read this.

I’ll admit: I know this was kind of pointless. I feel like even the best things in life start out with something awkward and rambled. Then again, so do the worst. We’ll see.

~ MusicRocks807 xxx